what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
