Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
