if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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