I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
