We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
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i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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