I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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