I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
