turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize