dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You pole danced in your parka.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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