Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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