is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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