Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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