There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
