I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
