I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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