So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
