I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
