dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
