Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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