i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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