i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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