And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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