As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
