so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
