sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
