He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
