i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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