she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.