You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair