...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?