i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
