man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
