Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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