So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
