see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think i have herpe
just one?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
