Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
