The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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