You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
