He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
