We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
