I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
