I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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