i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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