i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
