You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
