its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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