I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
