I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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