There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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