Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
