Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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