i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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