Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
