you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
