fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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