Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
