Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
