Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
