so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
