you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize