Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
