her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
