Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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