Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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