Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't turn off my feet"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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