I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
