Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
